I aim to be more human. I aim to be less apathetic as a human. Apathy grows, like a tree, and I aim to prune my own.

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  • 0 Posts
  • 66 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: June 23rd, 2023
  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoSelfhosted@lemmy.world•TOR asking to run snowflake to help Iranians with internet accessEnglish
    13·
    10 days ago

    Thanks for this!

    Well I spent the time between when I posted and when you replied looking into various things related to tor, legality, and snowflake more specifically, as well as a bit after your reply since you gave me a couple extra things to look into… (like if there’s a risk of running alongside self-host software like Plex and jellyfin, I didn’t find anything about it so I sort of assume it’s fine…?)…

    I didn’t see anything overly bad other than if you yourself use tor, maybe, so took the plunge and… have had a whole two connections already, so yay, I’m a snowflake!

    I feel slightly better about myself, like when I started using BOINC crowdsource computing for research in the early noughties. :)

  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoSelfhosted@lemmy.world•TOR asking to run snowflake to help Iranians with internet accessEnglish
    21·
    10 days ago

    I’m willing to do this but frankly tor intimidates me big time. I don’t know anything about it other than……. Yep that’s it.

    I read through the mastodon post, and the project page, and cumulatively I didn’t get any answers that, like, make me feel better.

    I assume this is a dark web node sort of thing? Is it safe for me to run the browser extension (idk shit about docker and don’t really want to learn rn), like I’m not putting a target on myself or anything? If yes to question 1, but no to question 2, what does put a target?

  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoMemes@sopuli.xyz•I'll just take the busEnglish
    162·
    29 days ago

    My ex tried to teach me to drive stick on the way home from urgent care… my urgent care. Because it was convenient for him at that time. He refused to teach me several times before then because it was inconvenient. (why yes, I did leave him decades ago over abuse, thanks for asking! Tho it was not the specific thing)

    I don’t care if manual is superior in some irrelevant way; I refuse to learn now due to trauma. Pretty sure I looked just like this picture.

  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoShowerthoughts@lemmy.world•Opening my eyes slightly more evokes an emotional response.English
    8·
    2 months ago

    That tracks.

    I’ve been getting Botox for migraines for over a decade and I mentioned to my neurologist how this seems to have impacted my personality. He was unsurprised.

    When your face does things without your input, you might find yourself feeling angry or sad or something, and not actually know why. We have some pretty good mirror neurons that make us share physical signals with other people, and we take on their emotional state sometimes as a result.

    13-some years ago I started getting Botox for migraines, and my neurologist is…. Thorough. He likes doing a bit extra for cosmetic reasons… not with me; I actively decline cosmetic injections, even when he asks about my lopsided expressions (nah dude, that’s just how I use my face -lopsided- and I genuinely like those use lines; they tell you who I am. I’m not trying to look young forever as my body degrades around me…). I need some of my expressions, like anger and confusion…

    But I noticed after my deep forehead wrinkles faded (when I was 25… so not normal age stuff) that I’m just calmer in general without the full range of expressions. I don’t get flustered the way I used to. It’s like paralyzing my facial muscles dulled my response to things that would normally elicit a strong emotional response.

    This is obviously anecdotal, but it really convinces me that emotions are as much about bodily response as actual response.

  • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoShowerthoughts@lemmy.world•Lucid dreaming is like being Neo in The MatrixEnglish
    17·
    7 months ago

    When I get decent sleep, I often lucid dream. I didn’t really practice, I’m just usually aware that I’m dreaming (maybe because I’m on drugs to suppress nightmares, so I’m just really aware of dreams).

    I have a dream town I frequent, it’s… usually interestingly mundane though. I don’t need excitement often, just things I can’t do in real life, like taking stuff I want (collectibles!!), playing free at the arcade, eating free in fancy places, drinking free in the nice socializing bar, breathing underwater or flying sometimes if it fits the exploration…

    It’s a really consistent sort of place that just grows over time, as more places are added and incorporated as welcoming spaces to explore. There’s even a glass water garden/aquarium/pool that reminds me of some final fantasy shit. And recently a massive underground transit structure was added on that has high-speed shuttles to different large attractions, and a whole new residential tower (for some reason I have a room on the 4th floor, it might be a college dorm), so that was an excellent confusing dream to have for several days.

    There’s a house in it that’s sort of my landing pad. A mix of a lot of places I’ve lived or been that just keeps growing over time. It’s got dozens of spaces to explore that mix in things I want and things I know, and just some creepy huge empty spaces that will probably get filled in later but are just full of weird junk I haven’t unpacked at the moment.

    I like to just explore the town and surrounding areas, and do things with random people. I don’t really do that in life anymore, so. I’d love to build it in VR but I have no idea how to do that. It seems perfectly suited for it.

    I used to get a lot of false awakenings when I pushed too hard to control the story or environment, and I found those to be wildly unpleasant (nightmare reasons), so I don’t exert much control now. I can, but it’s more fun to go with the fantastical and let the adventure play out, fully aware that this new space I’m dreaming about is going to be a recurring space I can explore again in different ways later.