Umbridge wasn’t killed by the centaurs, she’s in book 7 and so survived the centaurs. She is last seen surrounded by dementors

I don’t have the patience to learn how to play chess well. I don’t think more than one move ahead. My favourite game is Catan.

It’s all a good cop bad cop routine to get people repenting

NO?

I haven’t flown in years and don’t drive

This applies to groceries too. Why wouldn’t it?

Why wouldn’t it be possible for canned food to be tampered with? Someone had to harvest them and can them

My aunt claims to have heard tales of McDonald’s workers pisssing in the pickle jar

Which also means having no Easter for a year happens sometimes. Any babies born in early April last year are having their first Easter after their first birthday

That slogan was always too vague. My Dad has been asking for years, when specifically was this “great” time they’re talking about? With the sort of people who support Trump, I think their idea of great is bringing back segregation

The price of liquor!

I’m so depressed about what’s happening in America, I didn’t even attempt any April Fool’s jokes

I joke about Thanos being right cause i think we should be reducing the population but I don’t actually think killing half the world is a solution

The flies aren’t wrong. Eating shit is good FOR THEM but it would not be good for humans

There’s a famous video (I think there are actually multiple ones with a similar concept) where you’re asked to count the number of basketball passes and while you’re counting, you don’t notice a moonwalking bear