Thought it was funnier that way.

I’m just very excited about all the massive asteroids that keep near missing us. Talk about exciting!

My nephew based his life on Dennis the Menace. I was cooking a family and got called out of the kitchen where I was working alone.

Two minutes later I come back in to find this kid (maybe 5?) waving my razor sharp french knife around.

I very carefully removed it from his grasp and when I wasn’t using it I put it under a towel at the back of the counter. Told his parents to watch him.

Later he’s got it again and a steak knife.

I take all the blades, put them in a box, and put them way up high.

Come back later and he’s got a chair against the counter, a box on the counter, and he’s heading back up the chair with more of mother’s cookbooks to pile up to stand on…

Some kids are a little more extreme.

Edit: cooking a family feast, not a family (see first paragraph).

I am fully vaxed (booster not available here yet) and had COVID before. Just got it again recently and it really got me good. Still dealing with respiratory problems two weeks later.

People will assume you are exaggerating but I will back you up here. These things happen and can all easily happen at one property.

I looked after a house that my brother owned while he was out of the country for a few years. The first tenants were a group home that destroyed the place so much we had to gut the drywall and they never paid the rent until I hounded them endlessly every month. Every month.

The other tenants were just regular families and pretty good for the most part.

I would say I was dealing with something related to that house all the time. Every three weeks for stuff. Leaky faucet, roof shingle gone, branch fell on the lawn, sewer backed up. Big and small, all the time.

And they always called late at night or very early in the morning. This was before texting and email was common, etc.

My brother was paying me to do this, I would have done it for free but he insisted, but I was so glad when he sold that place.

I dealt with everything promptly. A family friend ran a property mgmt business and his crews did all the work promptly and billed us direct. People still always seemed annoyed and dissatisfied. Never again.

Well, sir/ma’am:

• my father once put a pizza box into the oven then turned the oven on to keep it warm, intending to turn it off quickly but forgot. Fire ensued
• I was 18 in a terrible apartment and needed to run over to my buddies place to borrow something. I had stock on the stove but figured it had to reduce and I could go and be back quickly. We had one of those sandwiches that they have on How I Met Your Mother and I forgot all about the stock. The guy across the hall and I had swapped spare keys. He saw smoke pouring out of my kitchen window and let himself in and threw the pot in the sink and turned the water on. Crisis averted other than me thinking about it and being filled with shame every time I put a pot on a stove.