I could say, “If you aren’t addicted, then just quit.”

Did anyone actually tell you that 1 beer a week is too much? Because it’s not a real case scenario in my mind.
And even if they really did it’s probably their own problem, and you don’t really have to defend yourself for doing that.
In any other case, if a person tells you “hey, tone it down with the booze” you probably should.

If you are in a position where you need to defend your booze consumpion, you’re probably an alcoholic.

Well Aaron didn’t deepthroat a mushroom-shaped presidential cock to ask for pardon

Peak evolution stage

More like going into a church and complaining there are too many hookers

No it isn’t a thing, I’ve seen a couple memes and a new community about how Linux sucks but I’m pretty sure it’s either parody or trolling. Mine was an actual shower thought when I was thinking about that, rather than a complaint

Yeah, your’s is more accurate XD I have to say that there are people that get annoying when they’re drunk but thank god they’re not the majority otherwhise going to the bar would be unbearable.

The FBI is trying to trick me into feeling guilty, too bad I was the firstborn of a single mother and this shit does not work on me anymore

Guys stop please

Yeah, tonight I’m going to do a shitload of fact checking

I should have died 6000 times

I better stop smoking weed then

Every line is a straight line in one dimension

Mitch Hedberg made this meme

English cooking vocabulary matches the sofistication of their cuisine

You’ve been struck by a smooth criminal

In my mind, videogames and music never feel older or younger than they are.
Last week a friend of mine was like “can you believe Kurt Cobain died 30 years ago” and my reaction was “Yes…”

Too much effort is equal as no effort at all

• Me arriving at the abandoned warehouse
• Windows rolled down, Lady Gaga’s Just Dance echoing through the empty buildings
• Pull the breaks, lower the volume, sunglasses on
• “It’s Britney b1tch”
• Storm inside

If you have a comeback this weak in the comic YOU drew, I don’t want to imagine the amount of cringe your friends felt around you